Why am I doing this?

So, you may ask, why am I doing this. Well, like many, I have questions - many of them.

I grew up in a Catholic household. I went to private catholic school all my life - even all the way through high school. My faith in catholicism fell dramatically after a family situation made it uncomfortable for us to any longer attend mass. We were shunned for something completely ridiculous - but that's another story.

I began to question things more outwardly in high school. This may explain why I had to repeat one year of 'Religion History' - I questioned way too much. On the plus side, however, this class taught me more about world religions and beliefs thereby opening my mind than I had expected. Around this same time I had a few paranormal experiences (which I may discuss later) that made me question even more.

Years later I befriended a gentleman of the Hindu belief. I learned from him many things, but mostly the ideal that all religions are merely paths up the same mountain. Although some may go in different directions and present different views along the way, they all lead up to the same peak. This changed me.

Somewhere along that path I became skeptical. For a long time I no longer believed in any form of afterlife. I believed firmly that we are all mere matter that simply ceases to be when our body dies.

Now, here I am few years later fearing death. My skeptical nature forces me to believe that upon death my mind will simply cease to exist. Poof. Gone. That's one hell of a scary thought late at night when you're staring at the ceiling. I want so badly to believe that something else is out there waiting for me - that my existence will live one somehow. I crave so dearly to have faith like so many that death is not the end of it all.

So, here I am on a new journey to explore the truth and gain back whatever semblance of faith I can.